Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Quote Unquote

  • I'm wondering how REALLY fat guys have sex...seems it would be impossible

  • "Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic" is one of my fav quotes

  • "My wisdom may be questionable but my attitude is a given"

  • "We all make mistakes...if you learn from them then you are all good"

  • "I am an outspoken Atheist and there is not a single son of a bitch on the planet who can stop me from being who I am."

  • "The best thing some people can do to seem smart is to shut the fuck up"

  • "I will keep trying to change the world...in my spare time"

  • Dear god-
If you do have some creepy plan that allows innocent children to suffer, a plan that allows those who do not worship you to burn for all eternity....YOUR PLAN SUCKS!
  • "If people could do just this one thing we could save the world...... STOP BEING A FUCKING IDIOT!"

  • "After I'm dead cremate me and spread my ashes over a park on Labor day so I can float down on people's food and they all can eat me......."

  • "Don't fuck with me and I won't make you look stupid......deal?"

  • "The truth only hurts if you deserve it"

  • Whenever I request someone as a friend and they ask me "How do I know you?" I always reply "We had sex under the bleachers in H.S. remember?"



  • I would like my last words to be "DAMN! That was great!"

  • is pointing and laughing at idiots.

  • "I had a dream I went to church this morning......It was horrible!"

  • Attention--- Anyone using the word(s) 'face ' or 'book' in any posts. 
Use of these words is prohibited absent express prior written consent from Facebook.

  • Got an email from a listener pointing out all the things he thinks I did wrong. He was 'disappointed' and thought I did not make my points well enough. He also had some suggestions on how he thinks I could do the show better. It ended with "keep up the good work".... WTF!?

  • "If today does not go better than yesterday did you will be hearing about me in the news......"

  • "Dear Jack in the box-Please do not allow people that cant speak clear english to work the drive thru."

  • "Jesus loves you!! Find jesus and get some imaginary love today!!"

  • "Always keep in mind..Even people you think are totally sane can turn out to be the craziest son of bitches on the planet. No matter how long you've known 'em"

  • Please do not disrespect the lord jesus christ by referring to him as "cheese and rice" My son IS NOT some sort of 'food product'..If this practice continues there be be some serious torturing of souls.
Thank You
god
  • GO TO HELL!!*
    *'hell' is a fictional construct which
    describes a place of eternal, conscious torment where God’s enemies are
    punished and was used to oppress people. Therefore individuals reading this comment have no basis for being angry,insulted, or dejected. This disclaimer also applies to any/all silly christians...

  • "I wish I could get in a time machine and go back 20 years to tell Vince Neil he was gonna end up bein an ice skater....ha ha ha !!!"

  • "Everything works out one, way or another, whether you like it or not."

  • "Sometimes.......I really wish my computer was a living, breathing thing...so I could kill it in the most violent and disturbing manner possible."

  • "The only reason I am a bit arrogant is because my reasoning is based on reality, yours is made up as you go along...."

  • "I pretty much have been telling everyone to fuck off tonight....so don't be thinkin' you are special."

  • I'm not wearing a bra or panties today.....

  • One example of the kind of exciting life I have--- I bought a new trash can today.

  • While reading the bible, replace the word 'faith' with 'dick'......you're welcome.

  • "Don't allow your emotions to dictate my freedoms.....thanks"

  • Dear god, The people you picked to 'spread your message' are complete idiots. Have you been drinking?
              Thanks
                 -Reap

  • The lord answers all prayers, sometimes the answer is "You know I'm a figment of your imagination, right?"

  • "It's bad luck to be superstitious"

  • "Sometimes it's almost as if I know what I'm doin'...other times....not so much"

2 comments:

  1. I love so many of these! I'm going to have to steal some...

    ReplyDelete

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