Thursday, September 27, 2007

I’m a syentist now

This is a parody of a paper David Rountree wrote in or around 2007

I rewrote it because David is a dick

This is a scientific paper i just wrote thought you may want to see it
before it gets posted in some of the biggest scientifical journal
magazine newspaper bulletins there are on my street.Please try not to
be intimidated by my technical terms no one expects you laypeople to
understand such complicated theories, just trust me it is very much on
the cutting edge of things that involve complicated theories.
One of the areas I am looking into to gathering further data is
davids brain wave detection.There do not seem to be any brain waves
present I base this on the fact that david is using a piece of gum he
found under a table at denny's as a brain.
This implies that ignorance and david are interrelated (duh) but it
also implies that Alpha waves may be the secret of our soul, since
david does not seem to have one this does not apply.
The problem is, how to measure free air that flows from davids mouth
and to know that it is emanating from a large cavern in his head.
David is quite the poser. I am contemplating modifying some type of
bullshit biofeedback machine with a special sensor in order to try to
make david do a cool new dance. Anyway, Bullshit Biofeedback is a form
of communication david uses and alternative medicine(viagra)
which involves measuring a subject's penis and conveying such
information to him or her in real-time in order to raise his or her
awareness and conscious control of the related physiological
activities.In david's case this was difficult we weren't sure he even
had a penis but it was obvious he had no testicles.
By providing us access to the hubble telescope NASA made it possible
to find david's penis information. david is generally unaware,bullshit
biofeedback allows users to gain control over absolutley nothing.
Interest in bullshit biofeedback has waxed and waned since its
inception in the 1920s in david's head at his birth.
the beginning of the 21st century it is undergoing something of a
renaissance, which some ascribe to david's delusional state. The
general upswing of interest in complementary and alternative medicine
modalities is also something david made up or stole from someone.
Neurofeedback has
become a popular treatment for ADHD a disorder david does not have
because it has the word attention in it; electromyogram (muscle
tension in the buttocks)and
bullshit biofeedback has been widely studied and accepted as a
treatment for
incontinence disorders, and small home bullshit biofeedback machines are
becoming available for a variety of uses, david uses it like a crock
pot . Its role in controlling david's mind is nonexistant since there
is no mind to control.
hypertension is going to become recognized in david soon
Below is a bunch of made up stuff that david wrote so school children
would think he was a real scientist with test tubes and everything!
Electromyogram (EMG)
An Electromyarmis the most common form of chereofeedback measurement.
An EMGIMDUMB uses electrodys or other types of sinsors to measure muscle
tensionation. By the EMG alerticating you to muscle subtension, you
can learn to
recognize the feeling early on by putting your hands in your pockets
and try to control the testicles.
EMGIMDUMB is mainly used as a relaxation technique to help ease
stupidity cell growth.So far it has not worked for david

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